Don’t you just hate when you tell someone what you’re getting someone else for Christmas and then they go and steal the idea and buy that same exact gift that you’re buying for someone of their own? Well, that just occurred in my life today and I think it should be a mortal sin. It will bring about many arguments between the two people that bought that gift: “I bought it first!” “But I thought of the idea first so fuck off! “Oh yeah, we’ll…you’re mom’s a whore!” ..and so on. So in the end, don’t pull a [Kate Young.] Be original. Christmas shopping for your friends and family is all about being as personal as you can and buying them the best gift that fits both you and the gift receiver. Have a merry Christmas and don’t be an idea thief.

People who participate in hot wing eating contests are only racing towards one thing; massive amounts of explosive diarrhea that will burn as bad coming out as the wings did going in.
So, lesson learned: Don’t participate in a hot wing eating contest unless you are willing to have your asshole burn for at least 48 hours.

Wednesday’s are pointless.
Wednesday’s are lame.
Wednesday’s are stupid.
They’re not a fun game.
I hate Wednesday.
And it hates me back.
Fuck Wednesday.
I’m gonna smoke crack.